Dating Your Spouse through the ABC's
By Kristen Hatton, LPC Candidate
I always imagined when my husband and I reached our 25th wedding anniversary, we would take a big trip. But last January 27th the date snuck up on us during the unpredictability of COVID and while I was finishing grad school and in the throes of planning our daughter’s wedding. Certainly not the right time for anything spectacular. But still, I wanted to make the anniversary special—25 years is a long time!
Considering only one of our children remains at home (a high school senior now), my husband and I find ourselves alone together quite a bit. But being home under the same roof does not necessarily equate with quality time together. In fact, more often than I care to admit, we are either on our own devices or attending to our own tasks, not deliberately investing in one another. I have also found in this stage that without all the school and sporting events anymore, we no longer naturally see friends. Therefore, as much as my husband and I need to be intentional with our time together, we must also be intentional about time with others.
To this end, I had the idea on our anniversary last year to gift my husband a year of dates. The dates could be solo dates or with another couple or group. The catch was each date had to follow along the ABC’s. By this I mean, each date must correlate, in order, with a letter of the alphabet, working our way from A to Z. My thought was this plan would not only get us out of the house, but we would have to be creative, which would lead to fun!
You’ve heard the saying that laughter is the best medicine. Well, as much as couples need transparent, heart-to-heart conversations, we also need laughter and fun. According to renowned psychologist and marriage guru John Gottman, “The opposite of play is not work—it’s depression. When our lives are infused with play, we’re able to see the absurd in the serious and find excitement in the mundane. A relationship without play is a relationship without humor, without flirting, without games and without fantasy. We all need humor, laughter and play. Romance is play. Banter is play.”
Fast-forward a year and along with our 26th anniversary we are closing in on a year of ABC dating, and let me tell you, this year of fun was good for our souls. Life is often so serious, we needed to spice it up with some fun. Regardless of your stage in life, whether you’ve been married for a short time or even longer than us, fun helps us rediscover why we fell in love. Fun leads to connectedness, which in turn paves the way to grace. Without time together and laughter with each other, disconnection takes root, which can lead to more easily falling prey to false narratives and grudges toward one another. When we are united, we live more redemptively, showing one another more compassion, grace and forgiveness.
So, this year, I encourage you to commit to regular time together simply for fun. If ABC dating sounds like something you would like to do, I’ve included below a list of our ABC dates. Use these as a springboard to your own version for wherever you live or what works with your budget. If you skip a few weeks or even a month, as was the case for us during wedding planning, football season and the holidays, don’t worry, just keep going as you can. It’s the reason we aren’t quite finished at our year marker. But the point is and the reason I’m sharing is I hope dating your spouse serves to rekindle your relationship, bring contentment and joy and maybe even save you some marriage counseling!
Kristen & Pete’s Year of ABC Dates
- A – Anniversary Dinner
- B – Billiards and beverages with another couple
- C – Cycling and Chinese food delivered at home
- D – Driving range to hit golf balls and a local deli for dinner
- E – Eighty’s night at a Retro Arcade Pub with another couple
- F – Food truck dinner at the OKC Ferris Wheel before going to First Baptist Church for a speaker
- G – Go-kart riding on a Sunday afternoon
- H – Hildago’s Mexican food
- I – Indian food with another couple
- J – Jed and Rebecca’s June Wedding Weekend (This was our daughter wedding!!)
- K – Kayaking on the Oklahoma River and Kamps restaurant for dinner
- L – The Lounge for dinner with our friends Larry and Karin
- M – Oklahoma Contemporary Museum, Barrios Mexican in Midtown and then dinner with friends at the McGraw’s.
- N – Neon Theme Night with friends on National Golf Club
- O – Othello’s Italian restaurant and then home to watch the Olympics
- P – Pickleball with friends, the perfect partners Pat and Teri
- Q – Quail Springs Mall food court for dinner and scavenger hunt around the mall
- R – Rooftop Wedding of Rachel and Vance
- S – Singo (musical bingo) at a local restaurant with friends
- T – Thunder basketball game with Teri and Pat
- U – Ugly Christmas sweaters to Uptown Grocery for the Ultimate Bake-off Competition
- V – Vast restaurant for appetizers
- W – The Wedge for pizza
- XYZ – to be continued….
Originally posted on Kristen’s website www.kristenhatton.com
Kristen is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) Candidate at TLCC.
