The Importance of Co-parenting and Finding Support Thru Divorce
By Caleb Scoville, LPC
Currently, 1.5 million children are affected by divorce yearly in the United States. Oklahoma has one of the highest divorce rates in the country. Divorce can have a profound impact on individuals and families. Psychologist Judith Wallerstein performed a research study from the 1970s into the 1990s that followed a group of children of divorce. This study measured the impact of divorce from a period of 18 months to 25 years post divorce. The results of this longitudinal study were disturbing. Even 25 years post divorce, individuals continued to experience expectations of failure, fear of change, fear of loss, and fear of conflict. This highlights the fact that we can no longer overlook the devastating impact of divorce on children. Through this article we will explore what divorce looks like in Oklahoma, what is being done to help children cope with divorce, and what parents can do to help their children adjust.
In June 2014, House Bill (HB) 2249 was passed and became law when signed by Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin. I will summarize what it means for married couples that have children under 18 in the home. Essentially, the State wanted to combat the rising divorce rates and the devastating impact a divorce can have on families. With the creation of House bill 2249, any married couple divorcing for reason of incompatibility is required by law to take a four-hour “Parenting Thru Divorce” seminar. There are many locations across the state for individuals to take this seminar. Topics that the seminar covers are:
- The effects divorce has on a child’s well being,
- Reconciliation as an option instead of divorce,
- The effects of domestic violence on families and children,
- Educate as to the potential emotional and behavioral states of children following a divorce and offer suggestions of how to respond to children’s needs.
- Communication strategies to reduce conflict,
- And, they aid in developing co-parenting strategies.
The course also includes statewide resources on numerous topics including counseling, reconciliation, and mediation. While each site may vary on specific info included in their course, there is a mandated curriculum required by HB 2249.
I have learned a lot through co-instructing these courses. For one, judges vary in what they will and will not accept with regard to meeting the state requirements for this course. Some classes are offered online, but these classes do not appear to support divorcing families the way face-to-face seminar can. An in-class seminar provides a great deal of information and includes handouts and resources that can be utilized in the future. Parents may also form connections with other parents experiencing divorce, which can offer support. While parents are not necessarily “excited” to be in a four-hour seminar, they do report learning a significant amount of information regarding divorce and supporting their children. Parents learn what children experience in a divorce situation and how to respond to their children’s needs. In addition, parents learn the importance of co-parenting when possible as well as how to find support for themselves and their children in the forms of support groups, individual counseling, friends, and family. I will leave you with this resounding statement that I hear more often than not: “I wish I had taken a class like this before, I never knew of the potential issues.”
References
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/nvss/marriage_divorce_tables.htm
http://coparenting.okstate.edu/sites/default/files/HB%202249.pdf
https://www.ok.gov/health2/documents/HCI_Marriage%20and%20Divorce_1990_2013.pdf
https://www.ok.gov/odmhsas/Additional_Information/Statistics_and_Data/
http://www.oklegislature.gov/BillInfo.aspx?Bill=hb2249
