There’s no such thing as a Perfect Holiday, even for Children

The holiday season often provides feelings of warmth, joy, and excitement.  Though the holidays are known for bringing smiles to children’s faces, it also has an unfortunate downside.  Holidays also mean changes in routine, increased interaction with less familiar family and friends, increased activity levels, and overstimulating environments.  None of these things are detrimental to children.  However, in combination with one another over several weeks, we may begin to see the toll they take on kids and families. 

So as a parent, here are a few key signs that your kiddo may be stressed out:

• Emotional outbursts
• Increased irritability
• Difficulty sleeping
• Withdrawal from others
• Struggles in school
• Frequent physical complaints (headaches or stomach aches)
• Increased defiance

Thankfully, parents can be proactive with buffering their children from the dreaded holiday overwhelm.  Here are a few ideas to think about incorporating within your family over the holiday season.

• Stick to a routine.  Though kids may be out of school, they still need routine.  You can adjust the time of things here and there but try to stick to a semi-consistent routine that provides predictability.  When we have predictability, anxiety goes down.  And that is never a bad thing!
• Communicate.  Naming your feelings can often relieve the intensity of the emotion.  Talk with another about your feelings and experiences.  Normalize emotions and create space to hold and organize them together.  The wonderful thing about a family is we don’t have to do hard things alone. 
• Be selective with your activities.  In a society that tells us we need more of everything; it can be tempting to want to do every holiday adventure.  But that becomes stressful quickly.  Choose 1 or 2 holiday themed activities and enjoy the moments with your family.  You will thank yourself later!
• Slow down and Connect.  In the hustle bustle of the season, stop and smell the cinnamon.  It is not about the presents, the activities, or even watching every Christmas movie.  It is about the connection with your family.  And when we are so consumed with checking the boxes on our holiday list, we miss the true gift of the holiday which is the extra time to connect with one another.

Research tells us that it doesn’t matter how much we spend or what activities we do during the holidays.  What matters most is how your children feel when they are with you.  Do they feel cared for, loved, and secure?  These are the questions to hold in mind.  So, when you begin to tell yourself you need to give your children a “perfect” Christmas, STOP and remind yourself that all your children need to make this holiday season special, is time with you!

This article was written by Victoria Scoville, LCSW, IMH-E®.  Victoria Scoville is both a clinical member of our TLCC team and co-owner of Transforming Life Counseling Center.